Week 2 of Training

The first week of training was pretty "light."  It was all about working as a Professional Team (made up of teachers, foster parents, adoptive parents, doctors, DHS, and yes, the birth parents).  Again, I don't know how much we will be working with the birth parent in an adoptive situation when the parental rights have already been terminated, but it was good to get the birthparents' perspective and to prepare for that, just in case. 

This weekend the lessons were about loss and grief and the impact on the child.  It was about the psychological affects on a child who has been through trauma/tragedy, loss, abuse, neglect, etc.  It was a heavier week.  We had to think about the child's losses, the birthparents' losses, and even our own losses.  It really makes you think, wow, there is a lot of loss in the world.  I felt such a sense of urgency to get her home now and thought about how fun it will be to teach her things - life lessons especially.  I know it will be hard.  She will have some behaviors that are tough.  She will have some huge feelings for being such a small person; she will have seen a lot.  But I am excited to talk with her and work through these issues.  The training was a balance between urgency/sadness and hope.  I have hope that we can help make a difference and get her back on track.  All the kids in DHS are considered "special needs," but many of them are just behind in school due to not getting to go to school for various reasons, or just can't concentrate.  They gave us hope that the children WILL catch up when placed in a loving and supportive home and that we would be surprised how well they do in so little time.  I really like the workers at DHS because they are brutally honest yet hopeful too.  You can tell they really love the kids.  They, too, have that emotional balance between sadness and hope.

Everything we learned this week I pretty much already knew, from reading the adoption books Dawn gave me.  A couple things I did learn for the first time, though, were specific behaviors - how certain emotions or cultures are displayed.  For example, the foster/adoptive parents have a bed for the child and show them his/her own room.  The parents might tuck the child into bed and then return later, to find the child sleeping on the floor rather than in the bed.  It is just what the child is comfortable with.  We would think a child would be so happy to have a bed, but no!  That's just what they're used to.  Instead of taking things like that away, you work with the child to gradually transition him/her into other, new things, things that we all are used to, like sleeping in a bed!  There were many other behaviors, too.  It was good to get specific examples of how the kids will act out.  You think of the "normal temper tantrums" but not all these other behaviors.  It helps me to feel more prepared of what's coming and how to deal with it so I'm not caught off guard.  They talked about kids hoarding food/hiding it in their rooms because they're afraid they won't get to eat again soon.  The solution to that would be to put fresh fruit on a table that is on their level so they know that the food is always there for them.  It helps them to not take as much or try to hide it.  It gave me hope to know that DHS is knowledgeable (of course!  They work with the kids all the time!) and they can basically tell us how to solve a certain common issue.  They said we can call them anytime we need help.  Of course it is still going to be work, and the solutions won't work the first time.  It is a gradual process that takes consistency.  When I think of that, I believe that would apply to any child - even biological.  Different things work with different kids.  It will be a challenge, because growing up, for instance, we had to ask permission to have a snack.  That is just a light example... For those with biological kids already, it will be a challenge for them to try to treat all their kids the same yet not take away from what the biological kids are already used to (having to ask for a snack).  That would be so hard, especially with other serious issues.  This makes me glad we are adopting first!  :)

We did an activity about loss.  I am afraid that because we are young, that people might think we don't have the life experience to adopt.  I have been very fortunate in my life to not have a lot of tragedy; however, as I get older and look outside myself, I see more and more, and although it doesn't impact me directly, I feel more and more compassionate as I let myself; I could just turn away, but I refuse to do that when there are hurting people in the world.  I have had my share of losses that some might consider minor, but they were huge to me.  In our activity they talked about how separation is a breakup of a relationship, which LEADS to loss.  Loss is the withdrawal from that relationship.  Then, there is grief because of the loss.  And of course they went over the grieving process (some act out, some are in denial ("Mom is coming back to get me," so they don't take off their coat in the house, etc.) We had to draw stick figures of ourselves and put post-it notes all over the stick figure representing the things that are important to most people in life.  These are mine: Christ, Chad, Sisters, Mom & Dad, All Family, Good Health, Hobby (I put dance and couponing LoL), Oliver, Income/Savings, etc.  I can't remember all of them - These are the ones they told us to write.  Then one-by-one we had to take one off and make up a story of a loss that happened (ex. The economy...you lose your job).  Eventually nothing is left.  Church/Christ was the last one to be taken off, because once everything else was gone, you begin to question God (that was the teacher's example).  I thought that was very interesting.  Then, one-by-one we had to put back the three most important things.  Some people put back their income first, because without an income, you can't eat healthy/take care of yourself.  Some put family first.  Others put health -Get healthy THEN get a new job.  Very, very interesting.  Anyway, it was a good activity to see how these kids aren't just losing their mom and dad; they are losing their entire life and we are having to rebuild the entire thing together.  Through my posts I don't want to make light of anything the kids go through or seem that  in my excitement I'm forgetting that it will be hard.  But how many times can I say it will be hard?  I feel that any parent learning to parent for the first time it will be hard.  It's hard for parents who already have kids.  I don't want to make light of anything but also want to look at the postive side and be optimistic.  There is so much more I could summarize, but those are the basics.  :)  Next week (well, not this weekend because of Easter) will be more on attachment and bonding, even though we had a little bit of that this week too.

We are so excited for this week because we have our first home study (I say "first" because the other one was just a home assessment.  This one is our actual interview).  It is on Wednesday at 2:00.  Say a little prayer for us!  Thanks!!

Meg