The Beginning

Wellll...okay... The Baby Expo was an experience... I kinda knew we would feel out of place, but I guess I just thought I could overcome the uncomfortable feeling somehow, at some point in the day.  :)  Well, no.  It still didn't "feel" like we are really going to be parents soon.  I don't know when it will really set in.  My immediate response to the discomfort (mainly because I knew...well, thought, Chad was feeling uncomfortable) was to tell him, "Oooh, let's go look at clothes for our nieces and nephews!!"  I even felt guilty about that response, because I was thinking, "Okay, I need to start thinking about my own child too..." Well, it even feels funny typing those words!  My. Own. Child.  I will say I also felt a sense of joy and expectancy too, of course!  The joy was intermingled (is that a word?) in with confusion... Latch?  Hooks?  I don't know these car seat terms... I am totally confused about what the speaker had to say about discerning between what the owner's manual of each different car seat says, versus adding or not adding extra cushioning due to liability and safety, among many other things like the angle of baby's head, etc.  Oh well.  We will get to it when we get to it.  Chad still thinks it's silly to be thinking about car seats because he just knows we are getting a 3 year old.  Well, maybe, but 3 year olds need car seats too!  :)  We made the mistake of being brave and asking the Milk Bank representatives how to become a recipient of another mother's milk.  We did not know that the first two recipients are babies in ICU who maybe cannot see their mommies yet and... I can't remember the 2nd recipient?  We felt bad for asking.  :(  They said if there is enough left over, then they could certainly serve us as well.  They were nice about it, but I hope they know we weren't just trying to take...  We just simply didn't know.  I had never heard of the Milk Bank before.  I think it's a wonderful thing!  I think you just pay a processing fee, and the milk itself is free!  I guess that's not surprising to some people, but it was to me...
We had fun talking to the ladies in charge of OCU's KinderMusik.  It is a little music program for babies through 3 years old.  It sounds fun, but expensive... I totally believe in the benefits of music at an early age, though, so I would definitely look into it!  It was exciting to think about what activities we can take our daughter to and how much she will experience and learn.

Another thing we did was look into cloth diapers (if our daughter is still in diapers...and also for when we have a baby).  I know, I know... Seems like every new mom says she wants to do cloth and then once she discovers the time - the laundry - the mess, the stink, etc. she quickly thinks how in the world did I ever even consider this?  Well, you can judge me all you want and call me "typical" :) but we talked to the lady at one of OKC's stores (I forget the name of the store...), and they have new products out that make cloth diapers so much easier and less messy.  Chad also informed me of a diaper cleaning service he heard about (go Chad!  He knows more than me in this area?!) Unfortunately, we do not have one in OK.  Boo... Oh well.  It looked easy enough, and cloth diapers have come a loooong way!  No more safety pins!  Just snap and go!  And maybe pray for no blowouts...but I guess that happens with regular diapers too.

Overall I would say the expo was "okay."  There were not as many community resources as I had hoped.  It was more just clothing/things to buy.  A lot of it was natural stuff, which I loved... like "Mama-To-Be Tea" which I hope to have when I am pregnant.  :)  Fun stuff like that, which maybe isn't really "all-natural," but hey, at least it eases my mind that I'm being healthy, right?      

Onto our first training session: I was very encouraged to be in the same room with people working towards a common goal.  I am sure we may have differences of opinion as we study deeper topics, but it is so nice to have a support system and feel like you're not alone.  I was so humbled by the people there.  Most of them are doing what is called "Kinship," which I had never heard of.  These people have had children dropped in their laps by family members - even their own siblings.  So, they had the role of "fun aunt" or other relation and now have to have the role of the authority.  Many of them have several biological children.  It is amazing how these people have stepped out in faith, on one hand having no other choice, but on the other hand, could've either walked away and let someone else handle the situation or taken on the responsibility with a poor attitude.  Instead, they have embraced these kids and TEENS, trying to look at the positive side of things and work toward hopefully reunifying (spelling?) them with their birth parents.  Same thing with the foster parents that were there, except I had heard of fostering before.  :)  One 21 year old girl has been through the system herself and just met her brother, also in the system.  She is adopting her brother!!

I was literally amazed.  It was also nice to see a couple our age, only married 2 years, with no kids.  I felt a sense of peace, that we aren't crazy.  :)  Just because it will be tough doesn't mean we aren't capable or knowledgeable.  This is just one of my many doubts about myself... but I am trying to trust.

In this session we talked mainly about the importance of establishing, and in some situations, maintaining a relationship with the birth parents long-term- what that looks like, how to deal with certain situations, how to talk with them and respect them, etc.  It is very difficult to explain to others what that really means, but basically it seems like when you think of adoption (at least to me, it seemed like this...), you might think that we are just taking a child completely out of the parent's life.  I am not sure what it used to be like, but today it seems like it works a bit differently; we will probably have to maintain relationships with some members of her family (especially if she is on the older side of our prefered age-range, we will keep contact with the people in her life who are important to her - grandma, aunt, teachers, etc.)  That way she has some roots; she knows where she comes from, etc.  It is easy to say those things, but it will look different for every family and every child, so we'll just have to see how that plays out for our child.  Through reading and also through this session, we have also come to understand how to start looking at the birth parent's perspective.  It is VERY difficult, but it is a goal that we have to work toward.  It is going to be a growing process, learning what it really means to forgive.  And we can teach and model forgiveness to our daughter.  Honestly I am not sure how much we will be working with the birthparents, though, since the parents of the kids who are up for adoption have already consented to terminating their parental rights.  I still want to apply the knowledge in case we are faced with it, but right now DHS is kind of confusing me in that area because they talk A LOT about foster parents too.  :)  I don't know if I could ever be a foster parent... That would be so hard!  At least I know that's not right for us right now, because I have a feeling that the birthparent mightlook at us and say we are too young to know what we are talking about.  And I think they might be right.  Yes, giving us the child as a foster parent would definitely be difficult, but I don't know how I could handle working with the birthparents right now.  I definitely think I could grow to mentor them but not at this point in life. (That is another thing foster parents do that I didn't know about, but it makes sense, since they are trying to get them back in their own home...)  The "coupon lady" (I read her blog to do my coupon shopping) I think is finalizing her adoption for her foster daughter(s?) this or next month.  So that has been neat to have something else in common with her.  When you tell people you're adopting, it's crazy how many people say they are either adopted themselves or are adopting or know someone they want to connect with who is adopting!  Or an attorney you could use.  LoL

We are looking forward to next Saturday!!  I wish it was tomorrow!  We have a lot of reading and homework, but it is fun work (for me, at least!)  I told Chad, "Great.  Now I have double homework trying to get you to finish yours.")  Each homework sheet is only one page, but do you know how many hours one page takes him...?  Oh dear.  Here we go.  ::wink::

It is starting to feel real with each step we take.  The part I am the most nervous about is April 20 - our interview/home study.  I need to know the questions in advance, please!!  Thanks!!

Well, I guess this post is long enough.  Of course when we finally meet "her," I won't really be able to blog about specifics... We have to be very careful about confidentiality of course.  I even feel strange talking about the birthparents even though I'm not talking about anyone in particular.  I have read other adoption blogs though, and it seems like they do, so I'm just going off that but still trying to be careful.  Thanks for understanding!

Stay tuned to see if Chad does his homework.  :)

P.S. I want to start recycling.  I think the cloth diapers would help... plus that would help with not having to spend so much on diapers.  Since I have been couponing I have seen how much diapers cost!  WOW MOM!  Is it true that recycling really takes more energy and creates pollution?  That's what Chad says...

Side note: I almost got blown over by the Oklahoma wind the other day... carrying my beloved desktop computer in hand... across the street... to Staples.  $20 later we now have confirmed that she will only live for one more year and that we have a virus.  Yay.  Okay I know I sound sad, but actually I am happppyyy!!  New laptop for my music editing!!!  Yay!  Let's see if I can convince Chad.  :)