(Tried to make this one short, but no luck... Sorry.)
First, Happy Easter!
Our first Home Study was on Wednesday, April 20. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Whenever we talked with people in our training class and the topic of the Home Study came up, some would "snicker"... Others would say, "You just wait..." Our worker warned us on the phone, that even though she is a stranger to us and us to her, that she would know our whole life story by the time she left that day. I feel that she got a good feel for our personalities, backgrounds, and lifestyles, but it felt there was so much more to say! That is a lot of "life" to cover in just 2 hours! I was surprised that she wanted somewhat short answers. When she got enough information she would move onto the next question. The questions were easy for me, on one hand, because I like my life to be an open book. Even though I am a shy person, if it were up to me, I would actually tell everyone everything about myself... IF it weren't for others' reactions - physical (facial expressions/body language) and/or comments... I mean, wouldn't we all love to talk about ourselves? But only if others would approve. Only if I could read what the other person is REALLY thinking about what I just said. Only if others would agree, or at least have sympathy/empathy regarding what is on our hearts. The easy questions were "What are some good, happy childhood memories?"
Answer: Playing barefoot in the woods, climbing trees, playing Hide & Go Seek in the dark! Riding bikes around the neighborhood - all of these things with Jen and Mandy, of course! Eating cereal in Mandy's den on Saturday morning... in our diapers... watching Ninja Turtles or Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers with Clark and Payne. :)
Questions like that were easy.
"Knowing that you can't spank DHS kids, what are methods of discipline will you use?"
That was a harder question. I know several discipline methods that I have learned and will use, but not having been a parent before, I don't feel "worthy" to answer that question. These are things Chad and I have been talking about, in preparation. We have talked about spanking. Some of the workers have said once the child is adopted, since it is YOUR kid, you can discipline how you want... but I trust DHS that spanking is not the best for these kids, depending on age, depending on what they have been through. We are honest and admit that we have no clue how to parent. We joke that we don't know what time to put her to bed!We have heard our friends say that you learn as you go, so that is comforting... but I still always think about others "watching" me parent and I doubt myself. I have heard that everyone - even strangers - will give you advice on how to parent. I have heard that you always wonder if you did the right thing, or if you're "messing up" your child. I have heard that your personal insecurities only get worse when you become a parent - not better! These are the things I am not looking forward to. We need all the encouragement we can get, and we want advice, but we also want to be able to learn on our own too.
We really love our worker. She is very friendly and suggested books for us to read. She didn't doubt us - If she did, I didn't see it. :) Anyone read the book "Love and Logic"? What do you think of it? What discipline methods do you use? What time does a 2 or 3 year old go to bed?
I have started working in the nursery, to get more experience. I am good with 3 year olds now - I have that age group under my belt now... Teaching 3 year olds with a VERY short attention span how to dance has been a challenge, and I have seen progress - not only in THEM but also in myself as a teacher! It is very exciting! I know how to talk to a 3 year old now! They actually can "reason," which is good for me, because I like to explain things - why not to do something, or why we need to pay attention, etc. :) I am working in the nursery with 2 year olds, and they are a handful... They are pretty good when you say, "Now, let's share our toys..." They took pretty well to that, and I was surprised. That was really my only issue with them this morning! Wow! Yucky story... first dirty diaper was a poopy one. Too much information, but here we go... It was yellowish/kinda grainy...no solid shape to it LoL Well, the nursery workers get breakfast Sunday mornings, so I went and got some quish (am I spelling that right?) It was the color of... Well, you know. :/ I thought, well it'll taste good if I just don't think about it. It was grainy... Okay, never eating quiesh on a Sunday morning again. Or immediately following changing a diaper. End of story.
I was relieved that we wore gloves... "They" (whoever "they" are) didn't do that back in the day... But you don't really wear gloves when it's your own kid...
We are moving along QUICKLY! It is so exciting! I will be honest and say that because I've been working with 2 year olds, I am really leaning more towards a baby... I don't want to be picky and choosey though. We went into this desiring to care for a "waiting" child. I still feel strongly about that, but just not sure about the timing. I definitely think we will adopt again someday (at least I say that now, because it has been a wonderful experience so far, and I really admire the workers/their friendliness, and even the DHS system itself...Wow, they have an amazing responsibility and take it seriously). We will probably consider adopting again when we are older and I start to feel more confident/capable to handle a 3 year old, and after we have at least one biological child. I think if Chad worked in the nursery he would agree and understand what I mean. :) Side note... I am thinking 4 kids... never thought I would say that!! Maybe I will rethink when I have just one, who knows. :) Chad thinks 3 kids... and he is leaning more towards a 3 year old, waiting child right now. I would be okay with that - It's ALL in God's hands and I am trying to trust - but because of my doubts and insecurities (about what other people think! I'll just be honest about that weakness...) I think I would be better capable of caring for a baby right now. I feel we would be a good fit for a baby. Those are just my personal thoughts, so please don't judge me for feeling this way.
As I started to say, this is all moving along quickly. I don't know how long it will take us to find a "match" but we are not rushing it. The part that is going fast is the paperwork and training (only 2 more Saturdays!) and the Home Studies. We have Home Study #2 (30 minutes more interviewing... and a Home Walk-Through) on Wednesday, May 4 at 2:15. Our worker is concerned about our fireplace (wood stove) being hot to the touch, so we have to get a heavy duty screen that won't fall over to put over it. There are several other things on the list but we close to getting them done. I am just worried about not having the screen in time, since Chad wants to build it... and she said since we're not using it since it's Spring/Summer that it's not really that important right now, but I would rather go the extra step and go ahead and do it to show her we will do it... but I think Chad is going to wait until winter... I'm a little worried about that. So, we'll see how it goes. She didn't seem concerned with anything else like the sheds having doors and locks, so that's good... We have to get some foam covers for our brick fireplace. She said to use pool noodles... I'm like, great, Chad is going to buy a bright blue or pink pool noodle! They don't really come in any colors that match our house! I would rather buy the pretty $15 foam protectors they sell in the Baby section at Target...except we would need like 3 of them! :) We'll see...
Well, hope you had a Happy Easter! We did!
Love,
Meg
Happy Easter to you too! (Yes, I'm getting all caught up with you now). It's spelled quiche. ;o) It's one of my favorite foods, btw. 2-3 year-olds go to bed depending on what kind of day they had, if they had a nap, and what time they have to get up in the morning. Gretchen goes to bed around 9 on a normal night, with no nap that day, (usually it was a cranky late afternoon, though) and then will wake up between 8-8:30am. That's our typical scenario. Now, today, she had a nap, so she may be up a little later, but maybe not. We'll try to get everyone to bed by 9 anyway.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read Love & Logic. I haven't really read very many parenting books at all. I don't worry about doing the wrong things so much - as you said before that people have told you - it comes kind of naturally to me to figure out what works and what doesn't. I hate to have to spank them (Gretchen is most often the recipient these days due to her age), so we do try time out - which works when you've got the time and place - and there isn't much else at that age you can do. She does understand me and what she's done when she's disciplined, but that's only because she's almost 3 - at 2, they really don't get it. Aaron, at 19 months, knows "smack" and will slap his own thigh when we tell him to get away from something (like the TV), but mostly we'll just smack his hand when he's repeatedly touched something/done something with his hands and we've told him not to.
the thing about "messing up" your child is that as a follower of Christ, you will be led the way HE wants you to parent and it will be your abiding in Him that gives you confidence and helps you to do the right thing - and not "mess up." Just keep praying. The battles are won on our knees.
Glad the 1st home study went well!
ReplyDeleteI highly recommend you read "So Long Insecurity" By Beth Moore before your kiddo comes along. I'm about to finish the last 2 chapters of it with my bible study group and it has been so great for me to read as a mother. People will judge how you parent and there's nothing worse for your insecurity that having THE toddler who is having a fit in the store or outright disobeying you when lots of people are watching! Even the best behaved kids will do it sometime.
As for disciplining, my favorite books are "Dare to Discipline" By James Dobson and 123 Magic, I forget who wrote that one but you can google it.
And yes you will change your mind after having one kid about how many you want to have...remember i wanted 6 kids!?! Hope you are able to get the safety measures in place before the next visit. You are right, God knows what kids need you and the right child will come along.