Well, I got lost on my way to MOPS. :( My GPS is terrible at those back country roads. I never did find it, and it took me over an hour to get there, even though it is in the same "small" town I live in - had no idea that was still considered our county! MOPS only meets once a month, so our next meeting is the 13th. I'm not sure if I will go this semester or not...because we will only meet for 3 months (Oct., Nov., Dec.) and I still probably won't have a child during that time... I don't know though - I still need the support. So, we'll see.
Well, we have some exciting news that we received over the weekend! We were invited to our first adoption "party." We have mixed feelings about this...for one, we know it will be fun - food and games - but also nervous because we'll be arriving late because Chad gets off work that morning, and the event starts at 10! I'm nervous we won't make it in time to look at the profiles before the kids arrive... We also have mixed feelings because we know that it will be sad seeing all those kids, especially the older ones. They know why they are there, but they are there because they want a family. I was thinking that some of the older ones might be there but SAY they don't even want a family (because they have been going for so many years and now they are older and think there's no hope left, or that they're old enough now that they think they don't "need" or don't "want" a family - kind of as a coping method rather than real feelings, maybe? I don't know? I just can't imagine how I would feel...going to the parties for all those years). Anyway, we are going to the party, even though it's over an hour away, just to see what it's like and mainly just to play with the kids. I'm sure it will be fun also. We are going to make a weekend out of it and stay in a hotel overnight. So it will be good to have a mini-vacation/date with hubby. :) It is much needed, since I was gone for our anniversary! He was so sweet to offer. :)
The other news we received was our first "Staffing" list from the September caseworker meeting. It is a list of about 60 names. Actual children. I teared up and my heart was pounding when I read it! It's strange to think, "Maybe this list will have our child's name on it!" There were only two 3 year olds, and maybe one 4 year old. The others were must older...9, 12, 16... I wonder how many "lists" those older ones have been on. :(
I talked with our caseworker for the first time today. She sounds very nice and is helpful with my questions. I'm trying not to ask too much, but it's hard! I have these decisions to make about my Fall and Spring schedules and it's hard to not keep life on hold but at the same time not wanting to book up so that we will be available for whatever comes/whenever our child comes. I would hate to think that I missed out on a work opportunity that I could be doing for a year, but I would also hate to committ to something that I can't finish. I don't want to burn any bridges! One question I asked is how many families our caseworker has right now. She has 12 families that she is advocating for in the monthly staffing meetings. There are tons of other caseworkers that put their "clients'" names in as well, at the meetings. On October 11th is the October Staffing Meeting where they will go over all the kids and special needs and all the families that are wanting to adopt. On October 12th, 13th, and 14th, we get to come up to the DHS office and look at the profiles of the children they see a potential "match" for us for. Hope my wording makes sense? It's kind of confusing!
As far as the timeline, our previous worker had been somewhat positive about the wait time for a child 0-3 years old... The previous worker said yes, we do have babies but did also warn, of course, that the wait time is going to be longer. Our new/permanent worker was less optimistic...She said it's going to be awhile. At the same time, she said that we will have to re-do our paperwork once our "year" is up...so that is in like 4 months...so she was kind of talking as if we would find a match in the next 2 months... I just remember her saying something about 2 months...I don't know.
Well, we are in this almost a year now (February, I think?), so yes, a year seems like awhile from now, but it also goes by quickly! I am trying to look on the bright side!
So, that is the latest update! We are just giving it all to God, because it's totally out of our hands now. Like the song says, "It feels like chaos, but I believe You're up to something, bigger than me...Larger than life - something heavenly."
Megan
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Newest News
On August 30th our home study was completely, finally, officially approved! I have said a couple times that our home study was complete; what I meant was that our paperwork on our end was complete. Now it is complete on their end too! I called a couple days after the 30th to ask a question unrelated to our study. She had said she was going to call me to let us know when it was approved (I had been calling her every Friday for 2-3 weeks.) Well, she didn't call! Oh well. I am glad I called. :) We have been assigned a caseworker now. :) I pray that she is nice and easy to talk with and get along with. :) We are not to call her for another week, but I do have her phone number if that week goes by without a call! We should be looking at profiles fairly soon! We hope! I think it will be a looong process of finding our "match," but we are prepared for that. That's why we want to get started soon! We might have visits before Christmas, but who knows...might be next year instead.
I am having to make some hard decisions about my work schedule and also my teaching schedule, so thanks for praying for me about that! I just want to do what the Lord has for me. I just need clarity on what He is asking me to do.
I have been sick this week but hoping to go to my first MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group tonight! They said that mothers need a support group before they even have kiddos (which I agree!) so I am excited that they are so welcoming to me. :) If I get to go tonight, we'll be doing scrapbooking. I'll try to bring some of my lifebook to work on that, since I don't have any kids to scrapbook. LoL. Maybe I'll work on Oliver's page. :)
At home, we just finished bringing Chad's childhood toy box upstairs from the basement. It is now in the playroom. Our new t.v. room is the front room and it's very cozy! I can't wait to get a cute/fun rug for the playroom. The playroom is next to the kitchen since I spend most of my time in there, it seems! I am always cleaning that room, ahh! Seems like the house doesn't feel clean unless the kitchen is clean. And the kitchen always seems to be messy. I can't wait til everything is done so I can post pictures! For now, it's kinda boring-looking, but progress is being made, and that's all that matters. :) The nursery is completely cleared out now. We were able to fit that gigantic desk out the door. Now we have a new "office" - a hutch for the computer in the playroom, and I have re-done our coat closet into a storage closet for our office supplies and file cabinet. Lots of changes, but it's been fun! Now I'm on a roll and want to organize all my Christmas stuff! Right now it is packed/cluttered in that closet!
Well, more updates coming soon, I hope!
~ Meg
I am having to make some hard decisions about my work schedule and also my teaching schedule, so thanks for praying for me about that! I just want to do what the Lord has for me. I just need clarity on what He is asking me to do.
I have been sick this week but hoping to go to my first MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group tonight! They said that mothers need a support group before they even have kiddos (which I agree!) so I am excited that they are so welcoming to me. :) If I get to go tonight, we'll be doing scrapbooking. I'll try to bring some of my lifebook to work on that, since I don't have any kids to scrapbook. LoL. Maybe I'll work on Oliver's page. :)
At home, we just finished bringing Chad's childhood toy box upstairs from the basement. It is now in the playroom. Our new t.v. room is the front room and it's very cozy! I can't wait to get a cute/fun rug for the playroom. The playroom is next to the kitchen since I spend most of my time in there, it seems! I am always cleaning that room, ahh! Seems like the house doesn't feel clean unless the kitchen is clean. And the kitchen always seems to be messy. I can't wait til everything is done so I can post pictures! For now, it's kinda boring-looking, but progress is being made, and that's all that matters. :) The nursery is completely cleared out now. We were able to fit that gigantic desk out the door. Now we have a new "office" - a hutch for the computer in the playroom, and I have re-done our coat closet into a storage closet for our office supplies and file cabinet. Lots of changes, but it's been fun! Now I'm on a roll and want to organize all my Christmas stuff! Right now it is packed/cluttered in that closet!
Well, more updates coming soon, I hope!
~ Meg
Friday, August 26, 2011
God's Timing Is Very Interesting
God always surprises me! He is changing me and helping me grow, even though I have always resisted. I have always aspired to be a "better" person, or to be "nicer," but He is showing me that He desires for me to go deeper with Him. It has not been comfortable, but it has been exhilarating! An adventure, to say the least! I know He is preparing me for parenthood in this waiting period. He is teaching me things that our children will need to learn from us, and from Him.
Right now we are truly waiting... Here is where it has all come to a stand-still. We knew it was inevitable... The State is known for being slow. However, it's more frustrating when everything is done but we're just waiting on a quick approval. Seriously, the reader is supposed to read like 2 sentences in our revised Home Study, and so far it has been two weeks (not to mention the entire MONTH that I was gone!) to read those two sentences. If she would just read the two sentences, we could start looking at profiles! Ahh! Well. God's timing is perfect. :) We are having fun arranging our house, and Chad did an awesome job while I was gone, of clearing out the nursery. It's strange to have an empty room! It won't be empty for long. :)
On September 8th I am going to my very first MOPS group!! Woohoo! It is in a little farm town, at a little farm church, with farm wives, and little farm children. :) It will be nice to be around a new group of interesting people. Refreshing. Two of the leaders I've spoken with are very sweet and welcoming, even though we don't have a child yet. I have felt the need for a support group. It is different when your belly is not growing... so we'll see how it goes. I really wish there were an adoption group. I've tried to start one, but I never heard back from two of my "sources." Disappointing. Oh well. MOPS will be fun!
Again, God's timing is perfect. I say that especially because I have had some health issues come up (not to alarm or sound dramatic, but pretty possibly lifestyle-changing concerns). So, I have been dealing with that and trying to get well. I believe that I am going through this for a reason and I am SO excited to see what that reason is! In a few months I will know God's plan in all this, and I am excited! I know it sounds strange... I will be able to explain once I am completely healed. :) I am believing for healing! I wish I could also explain to you the amazing timeline of the beginning of our adoption process also, but I will be able to tell you by the end of this coming month. :) You will say, "Wow God!" No one could make this stuff up.
The Scripture reading that changed my mind, to say "Yes" to God - "Yes" to adoption (Disregard the little letters...since I just copied & pasted):
Ephesians 1... Blessed be fthe God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing gin the heavenly places, 4 heven as he iCHOSE us in him jBEFORE the foundation of the world, that we should be kholy and blameless before him. In LOVE5 lhe PREDESTINED US for mADOPTION as sons through Jesus Christ, naccording to the purpose of HIS WILL, 6 oto the PRAISE of his glorious GRACE, with which he has blessed us in pthe Beloved. 7 qIn him we have rREDEMPTION sthrough his blood, tthe forgiveness of our trespasses, uaccording to the riches of his grace, 8 which he LAVISHED upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 vmaking known3 to us the mystery of his will, naccording to his purpose, which he wset forth in Christ 10 as a plan for xthe fullness of time, yto UNITE all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
(For some reason I can't edit the following part of the chapter... but this is our prayer for our adoptive child...and also, verse 22 means to me that we are to stand in the gap for the orphans but also teach them to conquer the darkness of their past, in order to live for God in the present and in the future. We have that kind of authority as believers.)
Right now we are truly waiting... Here is where it has all come to a stand-still. We knew it was inevitable... The State is known for being slow. However, it's more frustrating when everything is done but we're just waiting on a quick approval. Seriously, the reader is supposed to read like 2 sentences in our revised Home Study, and so far it has been two weeks (not to mention the entire MONTH that I was gone!) to read those two sentences. If she would just read the two sentences, we could start looking at profiles! Ahh! Well. God's timing is perfect. :) We are having fun arranging our house, and Chad did an awesome job while I was gone, of clearing out the nursery. It's strange to have an empty room! It won't be empty for long. :)
On September 8th I am going to my very first MOPS group!! Woohoo! It is in a little farm town, at a little farm church, with farm wives, and little farm children. :) It will be nice to be around a new group of interesting people. Refreshing. Two of the leaders I've spoken with are very sweet and welcoming, even though we don't have a child yet. I have felt the need for a support group. It is different when your belly is not growing... so we'll see how it goes. I really wish there were an adoption group. I've tried to start one, but I never heard back from two of my "sources." Disappointing. Oh well. MOPS will be fun!
Again, God's timing is perfect. I say that especially because I have had some health issues come up (not to alarm or sound dramatic, but pretty possibly lifestyle-changing concerns). So, I have been dealing with that and trying to get well. I believe that I am going through this for a reason and I am SO excited to see what that reason is! In a few months I will know God's plan in all this, and I am excited! I know it sounds strange... I will be able to explain once I am completely healed. :) I am believing for healing! I wish I could also explain to you the amazing timeline of the beginning of our adoption process also, but I will be able to tell you by the end of this coming month. :) You will say, "Wow God!" No one could make this stuff up.
The Scripture reading that changed my mind, to say "Yes" to God - "Yes" to adoption (Disregard the little letters...since I just copied & pasted):
Ephesians 1... Blessed be fthe God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing gin the heavenly places, 4 heven as he iCHOSE us in him jBEFORE the foundation of the world, that we should be kholy and blameless before him. In LOVE5 lhe PREDESTINED US for mADOPTION as sons through Jesus Christ, naccording to the purpose of HIS WILL, 6 oto the PRAISE of his glorious GRACE, with which he has blessed us in pthe Beloved. 7 qIn him we have rREDEMPTION sthrough his blood, tthe forgiveness of our trespasses, uaccording to the riches of his grace, 8 which he LAVISHED upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 vmaking known3 to us the mystery of his will, naccording to his purpose, which he wset forth in Christ 10 as a plan for xthe fullness of time, yto UNITE all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
11 In him we have obtained zan inheritance, ahaving been predestined baccording to the purpose of him who works all things according to cthe counsel of his will, 12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be dto the praise of his glory. 13 In him you also, when you heard ethe word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, fwere sealed with the gpromised Holy Spirit, 14 who is hthe guarantee4 of our iinheritance until jwe acquire kpossession of it,5 lto the praise of his glory.
(For some reason I can't edit the following part of the chapter... but this is our prayer for our adoptive child...and also, verse 22 means to me that we are to stand in the gap for the orphans but also teach them to conquer the darkness of their past, in order to live for God in the present and in the future. We have that kind of authority as believers.)
15 For this reason, mbecause I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love6 toward all the saints, 16 I ndo not cease to give thanks for you, oremembering you in my prayers, 17 that pthe God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, qmay give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 rhaving the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is sthe hope to which he has called you, what are tthe riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, uaccording to the working of vhis great might 20 that he worked in Christ wwhen he raised him from the dead and xseated him at his right hand yin the heavenly places, 21 zfar above aall rule and authority and power and dominion, and above bevery name that is named, not only in cthis age but also in the one to come. 22 And dhe put all things under his feet and gave him as ehead over all things to the church, 23 fwhich is his body, gthe fullness of him hwho fills iall in all.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Mission Complete!
Cheesy title, but it's the best I could do, so you will have to bear with me. :)
Random ~ Did I ever brag on my husband for getting me my first Mother's Day card?? I really thought my mother-in-law had put him up to it because she helps us women out by helping the guys out. :) The card said something to the effect of "I know we don't have kids yet, but you are still mothering even now, as you prepare our home and pray for our child." I am the most blessed wife in the world. Soon I will get to be the most blessed mom! I can't wait to see Chad and our little girl together on the next Mothers' and Fathers' Day. =o)
Today was a very exciting day! Stessful, but exciting. Our worker e-mailed us our Home Study and had us look over everything and make any additions or deletions, as well as correct spelling and grammar. I had to teach last night and didn't end up getting done at the studio until 8:30, so I barely had time to work on the Home Study. Chad had to work today, so I did all the editing and just had him sign it before he left for work.
I stayed up late reviewing it and then couldn't sleep. I was probably so excited! I was also stressed because our worker prefered if we had it into her today before she leaves on vacation on Sunday. I had been getting a little worried when May 31 came around, because from what I remembered her saying, she was required to get it into DHS by June 1. Well, come to find out, that was just her deadline for herself to start working on it. With the recent severe tornados, she wasn't able to get to ours because she was serving meals for those who lost homes and/or family in the storms. There were also two other families ahead of us. She texted me yesterday and told me she pushed ours up to be completed before her vacation! I thought that was sooo nice! I don't know why she decided to do that. I like to think we are one of her favorites. :) But I think it's just because she didn't want to take work with her on vacation!
Timeline... Well, she did tell us the timeline, however I do not remember it. It is just the waiting game. We are purposely waiting to look at profiles and do any visits after I get back from my mission trip. All I can think about right now is just being eager for my mission trip to be over so that I can focus on the adoption more, and have a more "parental" perspective. Right now I have mixed emotions between knowing what's in my future for dance, and becoming a mother. But I will just have to be patient and take one day at a time, focusing on my trip, then when that is done I can start the nursery and other preparations! Which pediatrician? That is a difficult decision!
My trip...I am so excited, scared, blessed, unprepared, eager to go on the trip - It is one of my many "must do" before parenthood. I have always wanted to dance in a professional company. I have recently (within the last 5 years or so) wanted to reach out more to others. Looking back at my life, it is kind of sad... I really don't feel I have reached out and give back as much as I could. I have always wanted to be a part of a dance mission trip. So, I get to do all of the above! I feel that it will be life changing for me, that it will make truly make me a better parent. It will be refreshing to get focused, spiritually, for an extended period of time, and it's coming at the perfect time because when I get back we will begin looking at profiles! The trip nor the adoption feel real to me 100 percent. I have a feeling I am going to wake up one day and suddenly be a mom. I don't have the luxury of preparing, changing, growing physically for a child, but I do have the luxury of allowing my heart to be re-focused and taught, disciplined, calmed, contented. After I get back, and hopefully while I am there, I will feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders because I finally obeyed in something that is difficult to do. I can say I didn't take the easy way out. I hope I can know that I have changed someone's heart by touching them with the love of Christ in some way. Same with adopting. So many people have a heart for it, but fear holds them back. I am finally seeing darkness behind me, and now light is before me as I take these steps, one day at a time. One mission complete at a time. One thing I look forward to is training our child to give back to others. It just seems so fundamental and not something extra, but rather something a part of a weekly, or at least monthly routine. Another idea: I might be out of my mind thinking a child would sit still in the morning after first waking up, but I hope to instill in our children the discipline of reading and praying first thing in the morning as we start the day. Why as adults do we sooo have trouble reading and praying everyday? It wasn't a part of our daily routine as a child. Or, maybe it was, which definitely counts, but it was right before bedtime. We learned to save God for last, at the end of the day when we are spent; because of that, in adulthood I have to use most of the time before bed for confession because Ididn't ask Him to help me glorify Him through the day. I just cross it off my to-do list so I can get some sleep. I put all my other "important" to-dos ahead of God. So, that is something I think would encourage that daily discipline for myself and our children. I will get off my soapbox now, thank you. :)
Next mission: Complete training this Saturday, June 11! We are having a fun class, with a potluck lunch. This completion puts us one step closer to her. Sweet baby girl, I pray you are safe and feeling loved tonight as I type this. We are all here waiting for you as God watches over you.
Random ~ Did I ever brag on my husband for getting me my first Mother's Day card?? I really thought my mother-in-law had put him up to it because she helps us women out by helping the guys out. :) The card said something to the effect of "I know we don't have kids yet, but you are still mothering even now, as you prepare our home and pray for our child." I am the most blessed wife in the world. Soon I will get to be the most blessed mom! I can't wait to see Chad and our little girl together on the next Mothers' and Fathers' Day. =o)
Today was a very exciting day! Stessful, but exciting. Our worker e-mailed us our Home Study and had us look over everything and make any additions or deletions, as well as correct spelling and grammar. I had to teach last night and didn't end up getting done at the studio until 8:30, so I barely had time to work on the Home Study. Chad had to work today, so I did all the editing and just had him sign it before he left for work.
I stayed up late reviewing it and then couldn't sleep. I was probably so excited! I was also stressed because our worker prefered if we had it into her today before she leaves on vacation on Sunday. I had been getting a little worried when May 31 came around, because from what I remembered her saying, she was required to get it into DHS by June 1. Well, come to find out, that was just her deadline for herself to start working on it. With the recent severe tornados, she wasn't able to get to ours because she was serving meals for those who lost homes and/or family in the storms. There were also two other families ahead of us. She texted me yesterday and told me she pushed ours up to be completed before her vacation! I thought that was sooo nice! I don't know why she decided to do that. I like to think we are one of her favorites. :) But I think it's just because she didn't want to take work with her on vacation!
Timeline... Well, she did tell us the timeline, however I do not remember it. It is just the waiting game. We are purposely waiting to look at profiles and do any visits after I get back from my mission trip. All I can think about right now is just being eager for my mission trip to be over so that I can focus on the adoption more, and have a more "parental" perspective. Right now I have mixed emotions between knowing what's in my future for dance, and becoming a mother. But I will just have to be patient and take one day at a time, focusing on my trip, then when that is done I can start the nursery and other preparations! Which pediatrician? That is a difficult decision!
My trip...I am so excited, scared, blessed, unprepared, eager to go on the trip - It is one of my many "must do" before parenthood. I have always wanted to dance in a professional company. I have recently (within the last 5 years or so) wanted to reach out more to others. Looking back at my life, it is kind of sad... I really don't feel I have reached out and give back as much as I could. I have always wanted to be a part of a dance mission trip. So, I get to do all of the above! I feel that it will be life changing for me, that it will make truly make me a better parent. It will be refreshing to get focused, spiritually, for an extended period of time, and it's coming at the perfect time because when I get back we will begin looking at profiles! The trip nor the adoption feel real to me 100 percent. I have a feeling I am going to wake up one day and suddenly be a mom. I don't have the luxury of preparing, changing, growing physically for a child, but I do have the luxury of allowing my heart to be re-focused and taught, disciplined, calmed, contented. After I get back, and hopefully while I am there, I will feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders because I finally obeyed in something that is difficult to do. I can say I didn't take the easy way out. I hope I can know that I have changed someone's heart by touching them with the love of Christ in some way. Same with adopting. So many people have a heart for it, but fear holds them back. I am finally seeing darkness behind me, and now light is before me as I take these steps, one day at a time. One mission complete at a time. One thing I look forward to is training our child to give back to others. It just seems so fundamental and not something extra, but rather something a part of a weekly, or at least monthly routine. Another idea: I might be out of my mind thinking a child would sit still in the morning after first waking up, but I hope to instill in our children the discipline of reading and praying first thing in the morning as we start the day. Why as adults do we sooo have trouble reading and praying everyday? It wasn't a part of our daily routine as a child. Or, maybe it was, which definitely counts, but it was right before bedtime. We learned to save God for last, at the end of the day when we are spent; because of that, in adulthood I have to use most of the time before bed for confession because Ididn't ask Him to help me glorify Him through the day. I just cross it off my to-do list so I can get some sleep. I put all my other "important" to-dos ahead of God. So, that is something I think would encourage that daily discipline for myself and our children. I will get off my soapbox now, thank you. :)
Next mission: Complete training this Saturday, June 11! We are having a fun class, with a potluck lunch. This completion puts us one step closer to her. Sweet baby girl, I pray you are safe and feeling loved tonight as I type this. We are all here waiting for you as God watches over you.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Training #3
Wow, I am impressed with myself for keeping up with this blog. :) I am usually not very good at updating! Probably because I have a specific topic to write about...
Update: Last Home Study this Wednesday at 2:15. I think we'll talk for 30 or so minutes and then she'll look at our child proofing... Ahh...You should see our fireplace! We have what looks like/could be a black pool noodle stuck all the way around our brick fireplace. It looks hilarious. But it's the best you can do for a brick fireplace! We didn't end up getting a screen, because it's Spring/Summer and she said not to worry about it... Still worries me that we won't pass though. I'd rather go above and beyond. :/ But we'll see. Outlet plug covers - check. New fire extinguisher - check. Smoke detectors in place and new batteries - check. Fence locks - check. Oli in a muzzle - hmm... ;)
I have started the lifebook! It is sooo fun! But just hard to find the time to do it. I'm creating the template based off cute designs I found online (I haven't researched more than 2 sites so I'm afraid I'm missing a really cute idea. Oh well.) After I make the template, we'll just fill in her information and pictures when the time comes. It is required to turn your lifebook in before you receive childrens' profiles, which I think is silly... but oh well. Now they are wanting you to send it through e-mail/online, but I'm just going to create a separate online one because I want ours to be a cute scrapbook, and ours wouldn't copy well. Going to get more scrapbook paper this week, since it's the week Hobby Lobby is doing 50% off scrapbooking stuff. AND since it's National Scrapbook Month apparently, Michael's has 40% off, so 4 sheets of paper for $1. I couldn't resist last week and bought several pages but it didn't cost much. It looks cute so far, but I love the patterned pages so much and really need to get more solid color pages to make it not so "busy."
Anyway, yesterday we had our 3rd training session. We are kind of starting to make friends with one couple in there... Their home study is already complete. We were saying how it's hard to come to training when it's such a beautiful day outside! We should move the training outside!
In this session we learned the importance of keeping siblings together (due to the profound negative effects it has when they are separated). We watched a video of a sibling reunion (it was an old video, so it was a closed adoption - Some of the brothers/sisters didn't know they had siblings - Some were too young to remember each other, or the trauma blocked it out, or they didn't know they had other siblings that came along later). I definitely understand the importance of keeping siblings together since I grew up with 3 of my own! I can't imagine life without any siblings... One grown woman in the video was still devastated that she was adopted and was an only child, not knowing she had siblings. One woman had been married and divorced 8 times. That goes to show the impact of siblings being separated... It is hard for the child to learn intimacy and how to make a relationship work. The brother said he always knew something was missing, that maybe he has siblings somewhere, and sure enough...he did. Siblings have a special connection. Siblings have experienced the trauma together. They don't have to discuss it or explain anything; they all just know. Even while in a loving adoptive home, children still don't feel as connected as they do with their sibling. A sibling is the longest lasting relationship you will have in your life, longer than your relationship with your parents and even your relationship with your spouse. I had never thought of that before!
If placing siblings together can't be achieved, we learned the importance of visits... We also learned about ways to make visits with siblings and/or birthparents/other extended family easier on everyone. Seems like a visit wouldn't be enough... That's just my opinion... There's just something about living together that, obviously, makes you more connected. There are a few reasons siblings can't be placed together, but one myth I hadn't realized was a myth is that siblings can't be placed together if they don't get along. DHS has to keep everyone safe, of course, but it's important that the children go to counseling to work out their differences. Otherwise they are taught that when you have a problem with someone, you can just avoid the person and run away from the problem instead of dealing with it. Makes sense!
We would love to get siblings (just 2!) but we don't feel ready at this time for several reasons. We have heard that they try to push siblings on you, because there are many sibling groups. We have talked about it because we don't want to be the picky parents that are looking for a "perfect" child. But we also need to be wise. By the way, in talking of siblings, Chad is now wanting a boy. :) The boys in the nursery are cute and like to cuddle but... they're not for me yet, I don't think. Who knows! I know I want to start out with a girl, but if we were having a baby, we wanted an older brother first. :( So, it's kinda different for us starting out with a girl. I just would not know what to do with a boy!
We also learned about strengthening family relationships and discipline techniques and the difference between discipline and punishment. THAT is what we were needing! Overall this lesson, we agreed, was the most helpful out of the ones we've been to so far. For some reason the day seemed to drag on but I learned more this session and it didn't seem so repetitive. :) I have enjoyed reading Love & Logic... VERY interesting... not sure if I agree with it yet or not, but I'm willing to try it. It's basically phrases I have thought about and wanted to use, in replace of "No's" and "Don't..." but wasn't sure if the "nice" approach would work. I want to always talk calmly to my kids (but I know it's harder than it sounds) because later on in their marriages and other relationships they will model that same calmness, I hope! It shows you how to get what you want from your child and teach, without those negative words, yet still take control of the situation as the parent. The "logic" part of it is basically tricking your kids to do what you want them to do. :) Example... kid wants to wear slippers to school... Instead of "No, we need to take those off. Let's put your tennis shoes on..." (which is fine to say, but here's an alternative, more fun for the kid... "How will your slippers work in your classroom?" Kid says, "Great! Comfy!" You get a dramatic look on your face and say, "How will your slippers work on the playground?" The kid starts to think about it and kind of makes the decision for himself, because you helped him think it through. He knows his slippers won't work on the playground... You let him pack them in his backpack just to have with him, but he can't wear them, so it's a win-win. Teaching problem solving... TRY this with your kids and let me know what you think! Another interesting thing is, give your kids choices all day long... "Do you want to wear this blue outfit, or this purple outfit?" The kid has to choose one of the ones YOU picked out! :) Later on in the day, since you've given them a ton of choices all throughout the day, you can ask them to clean up their toys or something, and they say "No," then you can say, "I have given you choices all day long. Now it is my turn to choose. Please clean up your toys." Use this one on a different day when you give them a choice about cleaning up their toys: You can ask, "Do you want me to clean up your toys, or do you want to clean them up?" Of course the first time they will say, "You." So you do. You put their toys up on a high shelf. :) The next day, they are looking for their toys... When they finally ask you where they are, you bring them down. Ask the question above again at the end of playtime... They will say they want to clean up their own toys. Try this too and let me know...
"Do you want to go to bed in 5 minutes and read a story, or go to bed in 10 minutes and no story?" Either way, they are going to bed, and you are preparing them to wind down for the day. Have you already tried this with your kids?? Interesting experiments! And I'm only on chapter 1! These examples seem like discipline will be fun instead of grueling (sometimes). There will still be hard lessons they will have to learn...
Confession... Next week we might skip training and go to a make-up session later, since it's "Burger Day" in our small town. :) We have never been together, for one reason or another (mostly because of Chad working), so he wants to take me to eat from the GIANT BURGER! Sounds...interesting. We were saying if we don't go this year, we're definitely taking our kiddo(s?) :) to it next year! We already looked at the calendar to see if he is off that day, and he is! Sadly he has to work Christmas Eve next year, so he can't go to church with us. :( Not having him home Christmas Eve is worse than not having him home Christmas Day... Christmas Eve services are so special to me. But... that's life...
...in the Wild West!
And we wouldn't trade it for anything! :)
Peace, love, & cheeseburgers.
Mmm,
Meg
Update: Last Home Study this Wednesday at 2:15. I think we'll talk for 30 or so minutes and then she'll look at our child proofing... Ahh...You should see our fireplace! We have what looks like/could be a black pool noodle stuck all the way around our brick fireplace. It looks hilarious. But it's the best you can do for a brick fireplace! We didn't end up getting a screen, because it's Spring/Summer and she said not to worry about it... Still worries me that we won't pass though. I'd rather go above and beyond. :/ But we'll see. Outlet plug covers - check. New fire extinguisher - check. Smoke detectors in place and new batteries - check. Fence locks - check. Oli in a muzzle - hmm... ;)
I have started the lifebook! It is sooo fun! But just hard to find the time to do it. I'm creating the template based off cute designs I found online (I haven't researched more than 2 sites so I'm afraid I'm missing a really cute idea. Oh well.) After I make the template, we'll just fill in her information and pictures when the time comes. It is required to turn your lifebook in before you receive childrens' profiles, which I think is silly... but oh well. Now they are wanting you to send it through e-mail/online, but I'm just going to create a separate online one because I want ours to be a cute scrapbook, and ours wouldn't copy well. Going to get more scrapbook paper this week, since it's the week Hobby Lobby is doing 50% off scrapbooking stuff. AND since it's National Scrapbook Month apparently, Michael's has 40% off, so 4 sheets of paper for $1. I couldn't resist last week and bought several pages but it didn't cost much. It looks cute so far, but I love the patterned pages so much and really need to get more solid color pages to make it not so "busy."
Anyway, yesterday we had our 3rd training session. We are kind of starting to make friends with one couple in there... Their home study is already complete. We were saying how it's hard to come to training when it's such a beautiful day outside! We should move the training outside!
In this session we learned the importance of keeping siblings together (due to the profound negative effects it has when they are separated). We watched a video of a sibling reunion (it was an old video, so it was a closed adoption - Some of the brothers/sisters didn't know they had siblings - Some were too young to remember each other, or the trauma blocked it out, or they didn't know they had other siblings that came along later). I definitely understand the importance of keeping siblings together since I grew up with 3 of my own! I can't imagine life without any siblings... One grown woman in the video was still devastated that she was adopted and was an only child, not knowing she had siblings. One woman had been married and divorced 8 times. That goes to show the impact of siblings being separated... It is hard for the child to learn intimacy and how to make a relationship work. The brother said he always knew something was missing, that maybe he has siblings somewhere, and sure enough...he did. Siblings have a special connection. Siblings have experienced the trauma together. They don't have to discuss it or explain anything; they all just know. Even while in a loving adoptive home, children still don't feel as connected as they do with their sibling. A sibling is the longest lasting relationship you will have in your life, longer than your relationship with your parents and even your relationship with your spouse. I had never thought of that before!
If placing siblings together can't be achieved, we learned the importance of visits... We also learned about ways to make visits with siblings and/or birthparents/other extended family easier on everyone. Seems like a visit wouldn't be enough... That's just my opinion... There's just something about living together that, obviously, makes you more connected. There are a few reasons siblings can't be placed together, but one myth I hadn't realized was a myth is that siblings can't be placed together if they don't get along. DHS has to keep everyone safe, of course, but it's important that the children go to counseling to work out their differences. Otherwise they are taught that when you have a problem with someone, you can just avoid the person and run away from the problem instead of dealing with it. Makes sense!
We would love to get siblings (just 2!) but we don't feel ready at this time for several reasons. We have heard that they try to push siblings on you, because there are many sibling groups. We have talked about it because we don't want to be the picky parents that are looking for a "perfect" child. But we also need to be wise. By the way, in talking of siblings, Chad is now wanting a boy. :) The boys in the nursery are cute and like to cuddle but... they're not for me yet, I don't think. Who knows! I know I want to start out with a girl, but if we were having a baby, we wanted an older brother first. :( So, it's kinda different for us starting out with a girl. I just would not know what to do with a boy!
We also learned about strengthening family relationships and discipline techniques and the difference between discipline and punishment. THAT is what we were needing! Overall this lesson, we agreed, was the most helpful out of the ones we've been to so far. For some reason the day seemed to drag on but I learned more this session and it didn't seem so repetitive. :) I have enjoyed reading Love & Logic... VERY interesting... not sure if I agree with it yet or not, but I'm willing to try it. It's basically phrases I have thought about and wanted to use, in replace of "No's" and "Don't..." but wasn't sure if the "nice" approach would work. I want to always talk calmly to my kids (but I know it's harder than it sounds) because later on in their marriages and other relationships they will model that same calmness, I hope! It shows you how to get what you want from your child and teach, without those negative words, yet still take control of the situation as the parent. The "logic" part of it is basically tricking your kids to do what you want them to do. :) Example... kid wants to wear slippers to school... Instead of "No, we need to take those off. Let's put your tennis shoes on..." (which is fine to say, but here's an alternative, more fun for the kid... "How will your slippers work in your classroom?" Kid says, "Great! Comfy!" You get a dramatic look on your face and say, "How will your slippers work on the playground?" The kid starts to think about it and kind of makes the decision for himself, because you helped him think it through. He knows his slippers won't work on the playground... You let him pack them in his backpack just to have with him, but he can't wear them, so it's a win-win. Teaching problem solving... TRY this with your kids and let me know what you think! Another interesting thing is, give your kids choices all day long... "Do you want to wear this blue outfit, or this purple outfit?" The kid has to choose one of the ones YOU picked out! :) Later on in the day, since you've given them a ton of choices all throughout the day, you can ask them to clean up their toys or something, and they say "No," then you can say, "I have given you choices all day long. Now it is my turn to choose. Please clean up your toys." Use this one on a different day when you give them a choice about cleaning up their toys: You can ask, "Do you want me to clean up your toys, or do you want to clean them up?" Of course the first time they will say, "You." So you do. You put their toys up on a high shelf. :) The next day, they are looking for their toys... When they finally ask you where they are, you bring them down. Ask the question above again at the end of playtime... They will say they want to clean up their own toys. Try this too and let me know...
"Do you want to go to bed in 5 minutes and read a story, or go to bed in 10 minutes and no story?" Either way, they are going to bed, and you are preparing them to wind down for the day. Have you already tried this with your kids?? Interesting experiments! And I'm only on chapter 1! These examples seem like discipline will be fun instead of grueling (sometimes). There will still be hard lessons they will have to learn...
Confession... Next week we might skip training and go to a make-up session later, since it's "Burger Day" in our small town. :) We have never been together, for one reason or another (mostly because of Chad working), so he wants to take me to eat from the GIANT BURGER! Sounds...interesting. We were saying if we don't go this year, we're definitely taking our kiddo(s?) :) to it next year! We already looked at the calendar to see if he is off that day, and he is! Sadly he has to work Christmas Eve next year, so he can't go to church with us. :( Not having him home Christmas Eve is worse than not having him home Christmas Day... Christmas Eve services are so special to me. But... that's life...
...in the Wild West!
And we wouldn't trade it for anything! :)
Peace, love, & cheeseburgers.
Mmm,
Meg
Thursday, April 28, 2011
His & Hers
We had a relaxing day at Starbucks yesterday working on our (okay, HIS) adoption homework. I have already finished mine for every session. You can tell whose homework is whose. :) I hope they don't send my homework back saying I wrote too much and they can't read it... because my handwriting is terrible!! Or send Chad's back and say he didn't write enough (That happened in his classes and on his run reports at work one time...) =o)
I SO want to post the outfits I bought yesterday at Target... but I just cannot... I am afraid y'all will think I'm crazy because we don't even know the age, or if they will fit! But wish you could see 'em. :)
When we were at Starbucks we ran into someone we know... We found out that he worked for DHS for 15 years... He asked what we were working on, and as soon as we told him we are going through DHS, he asked, "Why DHS?" I thought, "Oh no...This is not going to be good." Before I say anything else, I want to say that I definitely appreciate hearing his experience with the kids and families. He knows better than anyone! However, I was a little caught off guard by his being so blunt, as he went on and on about how we should adopt from an agency so we can get a "normal" child. You could tell he was distressed about us adopting from DHS just from his body language and he kept saying, "I don't know. I can't explain it." I tried to explain that our trainers have been very honest and don't sugarcoat anything. They have said when placed in a loving home, these kids start to grow and thrive. There are still always going to be issues, but they will change for the better one day at a time. He said the trainers are trying to get all these kids into homes, which is true... but we have learned that they also want the right family for the particular needs of the child.
This is someone Chad respects and admires, so I could tell Chad was a little discouraged too. He had enough of the homework that day, so we packed everything up and left. We did make a little headway on the homework but still a ways to go until he is caught up. We still look forward to our training on Saturday. We are learning a lot and praying a lot. We know God will direct us to the child he has for us. We are just trusting.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Here is another song I was looking for last night but couldn't find it. I think I will make a song page on here, but for now I'll just put it as a post. This is one song that really hit me, I think it was back in November, when we started talking about adoption more and more. Really I could "bold" and underline this entire song!
~~~
Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes and act like everyone's alright when I know they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could pray a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong
But I refuse
I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse
I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God
So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
And show them who You are
I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well
I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse
~ Josh Wilson
~~~
Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes and act like everyone's alright when I know they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could pray a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong
But I refuse
I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse
I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God
So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
And show them who You are
I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well
I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse
~ Josh Wilson
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