This House

it took me by surprise
this old house and these old feelings
walked round and looked inside
familiar walls and halls and ceilings

where I'd dream and plan
every moment of sunshine
this was my whole world
it was all I knew.

like the hull of a seed
this old house cracked wide open
as I grew.

hadn't given it much thought
hadn't been back here for a while
everything looks so small
seen through the memories of a child

who would dream and stare
from that second story window

that was my whole world
it was all I knew.

like the hull the of a seed
this old house cracked wide open
and I flew

sad, fruitful, broken, true.
sad, fruitful, broken, true.

memories for miles and miles
summers falls winters and springs
You take it in
See, He's withheld no good thing

Sara Groves

Old Things Have Passed Away Your Love Has Stayed the Same

OLD things have passed away 
YOUR LOVE has stayed the SAME
Your CONSTANT GRACE REMAINS the CORNERSTONE

Things that we thought were dead
Are BREATHING IN LIFE AGAIN
You cause your Son to shine on darkest nights

For all that you’ve done we will pour out our love 
This will be our anthem song

Jesus we love you 
Oh how we love you
You are the one our hearts adore

Our hearts adore 


All that was lost has FOUND its PLACE in YOU
You lift our weary head
You make us strong instead
You took these RAGS and made us BEAUTIFUL

Our affection, our devotion 
poured out on the feet of Jesus
Our affection, our devotion 
poured out on the feet of Jesus
Our affection, our devotion 
poured out on the feet of Jesus
Our affection, our devotion
poured out on the feet of Jesus

My Hope is Built On Nothing Less/On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus' Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Well, I got lost on my way to MOPS.  :(  My GPS is terrible at those back country roads.  I never did find it, and it took me over an hour to get there, even though it is in the same "small" town I live in - had no idea that was still considered our county!  MOPS only meets once a month, so our next meeting is the 13th.  I'm not sure if I will go this semester or not...because we will only meet for 3 months (Oct., Nov., Dec.) and I still probably won't have a child during that time... I don't know though - I still need the support.  So, we'll see.

Well, we have some exciting news that we received over the weekend!  We were invited to our first adoption "party."  We have mixed feelings about this...for one, we know it will be fun - food and games - but also nervous because we'll be arriving late because Chad gets off work that morning, and the event starts at 10!  I'm nervous we won't make it in time to look at the profiles before the kids arrive...  We also have mixed feelings because we know that it will be sad seeing all those kids, especially the older ones.  They know why they are there, but they are there because they want a family.  I was thinking that some of the older ones might be there but SAY they don't even want a family (because they have been going for so many years and now they are older and think there's no hope left, or that they're old enough now that they think they don't "need" or don't "want" a family - kind of as a coping method rather than real feelings, maybe?  I don't know?  I just can't imagine how I would feel...going to the parties for all those years).  Anyway, we are going to the party, even though it's over an hour away, just to see what it's like and mainly just to play with the kids.  I'm sure it will be fun also.  We are going to make a weekend out of it and stay in a hotel overnight.  So it will be good to have a mini-vacation/date with hubby.  :)  It is much needed, since I was gone for our anniversary!  He was so sweet to offer.  :)

The other news we received was our first "Staffing" list from the September caseworker meeting.  It is a list of about 60 names.  Actual children.  I teared up and my heart was pounding when I read it!  It's strange to think, "Maybe this list will have our child's name on it!"  There were only two 3 year olds, and maybe one 4 year old.  The others were must older...9, 12, 16... I wonder how many "lists" those older ones have been on.  :( 

I talked with our caseworker for the first time today.  She sounds very nice and is helpful with my questions.  I'm trying not to ask too much, but it's hard!  I have these decisions to make about my Fall and Spring schedules and it's hard to not keep life on hold but at the same time not wanting to book up so that we will be available for whatever comes/whenever our child comes.  I would hate to think that I missed out on a work opportunity that I could be doing for a year, but I would also hate to committ to something that I can't finish.  I don't want to burn any bridges!  One question I asked is how many families our caseworker has right now.  She has 12 families that she is advocating for in the monthly staffing meetings.  There are tons of other caseworkers that put their "clients'" names in as well, at the meetings.  On October 11th is the October Staffing Meeting where they will go over all the kids and special needs and all the families that are wanting to adopt.  On October 12th, 13th, and 14th, we get to come up to the DHS office and look at the profiles of the children they see a potential "match" for us for.  Hope my wording makes sense?  It's kind of confusing!

As far as the timeline, our previous worker had been somewhat positive about the wait time for a child 0-3 years old... The previous worker said yes, we do have babies but did also warn, of course, that the wait time is going to be longer.  Our new/permanent worker was less optimistic...She said it's going to be awhile.  At the same time, she said that we will have to re-do our paperwork once our "year" is up...so that is in like 4 months...so she was kind of talking as if we would find a match in the next 2 months... I just remember her saying something about 2 months...I don't know.

Well, we are in this almost a year now (February, I think?), so yes, a year seems like awhile from now, but it also goes by quickly!  I am trying to look on the bright side!

So, that is the latest update!  We are just giving it all to God, because it's totally out of our hands now.  Like the song says, "It feels like chaos, but I believe You're up to something, bigger than me...Larger than life - something heavenly."

Megan

Newest News

On August 30th our home study was completely, finally, officially approved!  I have said a couple times that our home study was complete; what I meant was that our paperwork on our end was complete.  Now it is complete on their end too!  I called a couple days after the 30th to ask a question unrelated to our study.  She had said she was going to call me to let us know when it was approved (I had been calling her every Friday for 2-3 weeks.) Well, she didn't call!  Oh well.  I am glad I called.  :)  We have been assigned a caseworker now.  :)  I pray that she is nice and easy to talk with and get along with.  :)  We are not to call her for another week, but I do have her phone number if that week goes by without a call!  We should be looking at profiles fairly soon!  We hope!  I think it will be a looong process of finding our "match," but we are prepared for that.  That's why we want to get started soon!  We might have visits before Christmas, but who knows...might be next year instead. 

I am having to make some hard decisions about my work schedule and also my teaching schedule, so thanks for praying for me about that!  I just want to do what the Lord has for me.  I just need clarity on what He is asking me to do.

I have been sick this week but hoping to go to my first MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group tonight!  They said that mothers need a support group before they even have kiddos (which I agree!) so I am excited that they are so welcoming to me.  :)  If I get to go tonight, we'll be doing scrapbooking.  I'll try to bring some of my lifebook to work on that, since I don't have any kids to scrapbook.  LoL.  Maybe I'll work on Oliver's page.  :)

At home, we just finished bringing Chad's childhood toy box upstairs from the basement.  It is now in the playroom.  Our new t.v. room is the front room and it's very cozy!  I can't wait to get a cute/fun rug for the playroom.  The playroom is next to the kitchen since I spend most of my time in there, it seems!  I am always cleaning that room, ahh!  Seems like the house doesn't feel clean unless the kitchen is clean.  And the kitchen always seems to be messy.  I can't wait til everything is done so I can post pictures!  For now, it's kinda boring-looking, but progress is being made, and that's all that matters.  :)  The nursery is completely cleared out now.  We were able to fit that gigantic desk out the door.  Now we have a new "office" - a hutch for the computer in the playroom, and I have re-done our coat closet into a storage closet for our office supplies and file cabinet.  Lots of changes, but it's been fun!  Now I'm on a roll and want to organize all my Christmas stuff!  Right now it is packed/cluttered in that closet!

Well, more updates coming soon, I hope!

~ Meg

God's Timing Is Very Interesting

God always surprises me!  He is changing me and helping me grow, even though I have always resisted.  I have always aspired to be a "better" person, or to be "nicer," but He is showing me that He desires for me to go deeper with Him.  It has not been comfortable, but it has been exhilarating!  An adventure, to say the least!  I know He is preparing me for parenthood in this waiting period.  He is teaching me things that our children will need to learn from us, and from Him.

Right now we are truly waiting... Here is where it has all come to a stand-still.  We knew it was inevitable... The State is known for being slow.  However, it's more frustrating when everything is done but we're just waiting on a quick approval.  Seriously, the reader is supposed to read like 2 sentences in our revised Home Study, and so far it has been two weeks (not to mention the entire MONTH that I was gone!) to read those two sentences.  If she would just read the two sentences, we could start looking at profiles!  Ahh!  Well.  God's timing is perfect.  :)  We are having fun arranging our house, and Chad did an awesome job while I was gone, of clearing out the nursery.  It's strange to have an empty room!  It won't be empty for long.  :)

On September 8th I am going to my very first MOPS group!!  Woohoo!  It is in a little farm town, at a little farm church,  with farm wives, and little farm children.  :)  It will be nice to be around a new group of interesting people.  Refreshing.  Two of the leaders I've spoken with are very sweet and welcoming, even though we don't have a child yet.  I have felt the need for a support group.  It is different when your belly is not growing... so we'll see how it goes.  I really wish there were an adoption group.  I've tried to start one, but I never heard back from two of my "sources."  Disappointing.  Oh well.  MOPS will be fun!

Again, God's timing is perfect.  I say that especially because I have had some health issues come up (not to alarm or sound dramatic, but pretty possibly lifestyle-changing concerns).  So, I have been dealing with that and trying to get well.  I believe that I am going through this for a reason and I am SO excited to see what that reason is!  In a few months I will know God's plan in all this, and I am excited!  I know it sounds strange... I will be able to explain once I am completely healed.  :)  I am believing for healing!  I wish I could also explain to you the amazing timeline of the beginning of our adoption process also, but I will be able to tell you by the end of this coming month.  :)  You will say, "Wow God!"  No one could make this stuff up.

The Scripture reading that changed my mind, to say "Yes" to God - "Yes" to adoption (Disregard the little letters...since I just copied & pasted):

Ephesians 1... Blessed be fthe God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing gin the heavenly places, 4 heven as he iCHOSE us in him jBEFORE the foundation of the world, that we should be kholy and blameless before him. In LOVE5 lhe PREDESTINED US for mADOPTION as sons through Jesus Christ, naccording to the purpose of HIS WILL, 6 oto the PRAISE of his glorious GRACE, with which he has blessed us in pthe Beloved. 7 qIn him we have rREDEMPTION sthrough his blood, tthe forgiveness of our trespasses, uaccording to the riches of his grace, 8 which he LAVISHED upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 vmaking known3 to us the mystery of his will, naccording to his purpose, which he wset forth in Christ 10 as a plan for xthe fullness of time, yto UNITE all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

11 In him we have obtained zan inheritance, ahaving been predestined baccording to the purpose of him who works all things according to cthe counsel of his will, 12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be dto the praise of his glory. 13 In him you also, when you heard ethe word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, fwere sealed with the gpromised Holy Spirit, 14 who is hthe guarantee4 of our iinheritance until jwe acquire kpossession of it,5 lto the praise of his glory.

(For some reason I can't edit the following part of the chapter... but this is our prayer for our adoptive child...and also, verse 22 means to me that we are to stand in the gap for the orphans but also teach them to conquer the darkness of their past, in order to live for God in the present and in the future.  We have that kind of authority as believers.)

15 For this reason, mbecause I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love6 toward all the saints, 16 I ndo not cease to give thanks for you, oremembering you in my prayers, 17 that pthe God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, qmay give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 rhaving the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is sthe hope to which he has called you, what are tthe riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, uaccording to the working of vhis great might 20 that he worked in Christ wwhen he raised him from the dead and xseated him at his right hand yin the heavenly places, 21 zfar above aall rule and authority and power and dominion, and above bevery name that is named, not only in cthis age but also in the one to come. 22 And dhe put all things under his feet and gave him as ehead over all things to the church, 23 fwhich is his body, gthe fullness of him hwho fills iall in all. 

Mission Complete!

Cheesy title, but it's the best I could do, so you will have to bear with me.  :)

Random ~ Did I ever brag on my husband for getting me my first Mother's Day card??  I really thought my mother-in-law had put him up to it because she helps us women out by helping the guys out.  :)  The card said something to the effect of "I know we don't have kids yet, but you are still mothering even now, as you prepare our home and pray for our child."  I am the most blessed wife in the world.  Soon I will get to be the most blessed mom!  I can't wait to see Chad and our little girl together on the next Mothers' and Fathers' Day.  =o) 

Today was a very exciting day!  Stessful, but exciting.  Our worker e-mailed us our Home Study and had us look over everything and make any additions or deletions, as well as correct spelling and grammar.  I had to teach last night and didn't end up getting done at the studio until 8:30, so I barely had time to work on the Home Study.  Chad had to work today, so I did all the editing and just had him sign it before he left for work. 

I stayed up late reviewing it and then couldn't sleep.  I was probably so excited!  I was also stressed because our worker prefered if we had it into her today before she leaves on vacation on Sunday.  I had been getting a little worried when May 31 came around, because from what I remembered her saying, she was required to get it into DHS by June 1.  Well, come to find out, that was just her deadline for herself to start working on it.  With the recent severe tornados, she wasn't able to get to ours because she was serving meals for those who lost homes and/or family in the storms.  There were also two other families ahead of us.  She texted me yesterday and told me she pushed ours up to be completed before her vacation!  I thought that was sooo nice!  I don't know why she decided to do that.  I like to think we are one of her favorites.  :)  But I think it's just because she didn't want to take work with her on vacation!

Timeline... Well, she did tell us the timeline, however I do not remember it.  It is just the waiting game.  We are purposely waiting to look at profiles and do any visits after I get back from my mission trip.  All I can think about right now is just being eager for my mission trip to be over so that I can focus on the adoption more, and have a more "parental" perspective.  Right now I have mixed emotions between knowing what's in my future for dance, and becoming a mother.  But I will just have to be patient and take one day at a time, focusing on my trip, then when that is done I can start the nursery and other preparations!  Which pediatrician?  That is a difficult decision! 

My trip...I am so excited, scared, blessed, unprepared, eager to go on the trip - It is one of my many "must do" before parenthood.  I have always wanted to dance in a professional company.  I have recently (within the last 5 years or so) wanted to reach out more to others.  Looking back at my life, it is kind of sad... I really don't feel I have reached out and give back as much as I could.  I have always wanted to be a part of a dance mission trip.  So, I get to do all of the above!  I feel that it will be life changing for me, that it will make truly make me a better parent.  It will be refreshing to get focused, spiritually, for an extended period of time, and it's coming at the perfect time because when I get back we will begin looking at profiles!  The trip nor the adoption feel real to me 100 percent.  I have a feeling I am going to wake up one day and suddenly be a mom.  I don't have the luxury of preparing, changing, growing physically for a child, but I do have the luxury of allowing my heart to be re-focused and taught, disciplined, calmed, contented.  After I get back, and hopefully while I am there, I will feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders because I finally obeyed in something that is difficult to do.  I can say I didn't take the easy way out.  I hope I can know that I have changed someone's heart by touching them with the love of Christ in some way.  Same with adopting.  So many people have a heart for it, but fear holds them back.  I am finally seeing darkness behind me, and now light is before me as I take these steps, one day at a time.  One mission complete at a time.  One thing I look forward to is training our child to give back to others.  It just seems so fundamental and not something extra, but rather something a part of a weekly, or at least monthly routine.  Another idea: I might be out of my mind thinking a child would sit still in the morning after first waking up, but I hope to instill in our children the discipline of reading and praying first thing in the morning as we start the day.  Why as adults do we sooo have trouble reading and praying everyday?  It wasn't a part of our daily routine as a child.  Or, maybe it was, which definitely counts, but it was right before bedtime.  We learned to save God for last, at the end of the day when we are spent; because of that, in adulthood I have to use most of the time before bed for confession because Ididn't ask Him to help me glorify Him through the day.  I just cross it off my to-do list so I can get some sleep.  I put all my other "important" to-dos ahead of God.  So, that is something I think would encourage that daily discipline for myself and our children.  I will get off my soapbox now, thank you. :)

Next mission:  Complete training this Saturday, June 11!  We are having a fun class, with a potluck lunch.  This completion puts us one step closer to her.  Sweet baby girl, I pray you are safe and feeling loved tonight as I type this.  We are all here waiting for you as God watches over you.