Wow, I am impressed with myself for keeping up with this blog. :) I am usually not very good at updating! Probably because I have a specific topic to write about...
Update: Last Home Study this Wednesday at 2:15. I think we'll talk for 30 or so minutes and then she'll look at our child proofing... Ahh...You should see our fireplace! We have what looks like/could be a black pool noodle stuck all the way around our brick fireplace. It looks hilarious. But it's the best you can do for a brick fireplace! We didn't end up getting a screen, because it's Spring/Summer and she said not to worry about it... Still worries me that we won't pass though. I'd rather go above and beyond. :/ But we'll see. Outlet plug covers - check. New fire extinguisher - check. Smoke detectors in place and new batteries - check. Fence locks - check. Oli in a muzzle - hmm... ;)
I have started the lifebook! It is sooo fun! But just hard to find the time to do it. I'm creating the template based off cute designs I found online (I haven't researched more than 2 sites so I'm afraid I'm missing a really cute idea. Oh well.) After I make the template, we'll just fill in her information and pictures when the time comes. It is required to turn your lifebook in before you receive childrens' profiles, which I think is silly... but oh well. Now they are wanting you to send it through e-mail/online, but I'm just going to create a separate online one because I want ours to be a cute scrapbook, and ours wouldn't copy well. Going to get more scrapbook paper this week, since it's the week Hobby Lobby is doing 50% off scrapbooking stuff. AND since it's National Scrapbook Month apparently, Michael's has 40% off, so 4 sheets of paper for $1. I couldn't resist last week and bought several pages but it didn't cost much. It looks cute so far, but I love the patterned pages so much and really need to get more solid color pages to make it not so "busy."
Anyway, yesterday we had our 3rd training session. We are kind of starting to make friends with one couple in there... Their home study is already complete. We were saying how it's hard to come to training when it's such a beautiful day outside! We should move the training outside!
In this session we learned the importance of keeping siblings together (due to the profound negative effects it has when they are separated). We watched a video of a sibling reunion (it was an old video, so it was a closed adoption - Some of the brothers/sisters didn't know they had siblings - Some were too young to remember each other, or the trauma blocked it out, or they didn't know they had other siblings that came along later). I definitely understand the importance of keeping siblings together since I grew up with 3 of my own! I can't imagine life without any siblings... One grown woman in the video was still devastated that she was adopted and was an only child, not knowing she had siblings. One woman had been married and divorced 8 times. That goes to show the impact of siblings being separated... It is hard for the child to learn intimacy and how to make a relationship work. The brother said he always knew something was missing, that maybe he has siblings somewhere, and sure enough...he did. Siblings have a special connection. Siblings have experienced the trauma together. They don't have to discuss it or explain anything; they all just know. Even while in a loving adoptive home, children still don't feel as connected as they do with their sibling. A sibling is the longest lasting relationship you will have in your life, longer than your relationship with your parents and even your relationship with your spouse. I had never thought of that before!
If placing siblings together can't be achieved, we learned the importance of visits... We also learned about ways to make visits with siblings and/or birthparents/other extended family easier on everyone. Seems like a visit wouldn't be enough... That's just my opinion... There's just something about living together that, obviously, makes you more connected. There are a few reasons siblings can't be placed together, but one myth I hadn't realized was a myth is that siblings can't be placed together if they don't get along. DHS has to keep everyone safe, of course, but it's important that the children go to counseling to work out their differences. Otherwise they are taught that when you have a problem with someone, you can just avoid the person and run away from the problem instead of dealing with it. Makes sense!
We would love to get siblings (just 2!) but we don't feel ready at this time for several reasons. We have heard that they try to push siblings on you, because there are many sibling groups. We have talked about it because we don't want to be the picky parents that are looking for a "perfect" child. But we also need to be wise. By the way, in talking of siblings, Chad is now wanting a boy. :) The boys in the nursery are cute and like to cuddle but... they're not for me yet, I don't think. Who knows! I know I want to start out with a girl, but if we were
having a baby, we wanted an older brother first. :( So, it's kinda different for us starting out with a girl. I just would not know what to do with a boy!
We also learned about strengthening family relationships and discipline techniques and the difference between discipline and punishment. THAT is what we were needing! Overall this lesson, we agreed, was the most helpful out of the ones we've been to so far. For some reason the day seemed to drag on but I learned more this session and it didn't seem so repetitive. :) I have enjoyed reading Love & Logic... VERY interesting... not sure if I agree with it yet or not, but I'm willing to try it. It's basically phrases I have thought about and wanted to use, in replace of "No's" and "Don't..." but wasn't sure if the "nice" approach would work. I want to always talk calmly to my kids (but I know it's harder than it sounds) because later on in their marriages and other relationships they will model that same calmness, I hope! It shows you how to get what you want from your child and teach, without those negative words, yet still take control of the situation as the parent. The "logic" part of it is basically tricking your kids to do what you want them to do. :) Example... kid wants to wear slippers to school... Instead of "No, we need to take those off. Let's put your tennis shoes on..." (which is fine to say, but here's an alternative, more fun for the kid... "How will your slippers work in your classroom?" Kid says, "Great! Comfy!" You get a dramatic look on your face and say, "How will your slippers work on the playground?" The kid starts to think about it and kind of makes the decision for himself, because you helped him think it through. He knows his slippers won't work on the playground... You let him pack them in his backpack just to have with him, but he can't wear them, so it's a win-win. Teaching problem solving... TRY this with your kids and let me know what you think! Another interesting thing is, give your kids choices all day long... "Do you want to wear this blue outfit, or this purple outfit?" The kid has to choose one of the ones YOU picked out! :) Later on in the day, since you've given them a ton of choices all throughout the day, you can ask them to clean up their toys or something, and they say "No," then you can say, "I have given you choices all day long. Now it is my turn to choose. Please clean up your toys." Use this one on a different day when you give them a choice about cleaning up their toys: You can ask, "Do you want me to clean up your toys, or do you want to clean them up?" Of course the first time they will say, "You." So you do. You put their toys up on a high shelf. :) The next day, they are looking for their toys... When they finally ask you where they are, you bring them down. Ask the question above again at the end of playtime... They will say they want to clean up their own toys. Try this too and let me know...
"Do you want to go to bed in 5 minutes and read a story, or go to bed in 10 minutes and no story?" Either way, they are going to bed, and you are preparing them to wind down for the day. Have you already tried this with your kids?? Interesting experiments! And I'm only on chapter 1! These examples seem like discipline will be fun instead of grueling (sometimes). There will still be hard lessons they will have to learn...
Confession... Next week we might skip training and go to a make-up session later, since it's "Burger Day" in our small town. :) We have never been together, for one reason or another (mostly because of Chad working), so he wants to take me to eat from the GIANT BURGER! Sounds...interesting. We were saying if we don't go this year, we're definitely taking our kiddo(s?) :) to it next year! We already looked at the calendar to see if he is off that day, and he is! Sadly he has to work Christmas Eve next year, so he can't go to church with us. :( Not having him home Christmas Eve is worse than not having him home Christmas Day... Christmas Eve services are so special to me. But... that's life...
...in the Wild West!
And we wouldn't trade it for anything! :)
Peace, love, & cheeseburgers.
Mmm,
Meg
